Sunday, March 20, 2016

Women behaving Badly. BOTOX-BITCHING!

I'm caught! Some eagle-eyed woman on Facebook saw right through my pretty fake-face-facade that I deviously posted. And I tried so hard to fool you all! But women sniff out secrets like badgers and don't let you get away with anything they don't approve of. 
Here's the deed: I posted this picture of me, saying no more than long hair are fun even if you are "older". And now it's BITCH-Time, people!

 This is the "provocative" photo

I'm trying to be ironic here, the flabbergasted moment has passed, and this is therefore my announcement: NO, I don't have Botox and fillers in or on me whatsoever; I swear by the rather ample natural bosom of my Mom (which I didn't inherit, by the way). But the bitchy Botox-Accuser wasn't having any of it: "That's Botox and fillers. I'm in the beauty business for 18 years. 65+ without nothing? Just being photogenic and good nutrition? No way!" So it's not humanly possible to look naturally good at 69? So it's Botox or bust? So it's envy, cattiness and backstabbing all over again in the age of newly re-discovered feminism? How disappointing.
And Botox-Lady wasn't the only one on FB who doesn't want me to post because I don't fill the mandatory wrinkle-count "for my age" I guess. 
A 72-year old sunburned woman quickly posted a pix of herself with the comment: "This is me without Botox and expensive creams. Don't look at Sabine with all the spackles on her skin and the bleached hair. She is obviously someone who has to flaunt her good genes constantly". Then another woman piped in: "Exactly, a little less of her would go a long way and make women feel better, prettier and sexier about themselves".

Here's a safe choice!

WOW! It was Burka-time! How liberating.  So, all of a sudden I wasn't only the woman who simply must be a fake - OTHER women needed protection from me. I was expected to disappear for good out of consideration for the poor women who can't get over my looks? What an insult to all women, especially those who seem to be just fine with me around on FB, and in real life. What is happening here, I asked myself? Then another unfortunately all too female thing happened. I call it the Lemming-effect, you know the cute little animals who are mindless, blind followers even if it costs them their lives?

Out of the blue, other women piped in with really dumb stuff, like homilies I'm allergic to: "You should be more modest and maybe then your good looks will reflect your good heart." I'd love to, nice Lady, but how do I do this? Save an animal from the pound and then post it on FB like you do? 
There were more dull lectures about inner and outer beauty, and the claim that looks don't matter - apparently they mean A LOT! And then it got pompous and preachy.
"Unfortunately, a dignified personality isn't a requirement to post photos of yourself. Drawing attention to one's looks for the purpose of garnering attention is always trashy". Here you have it, you billions of trashy social media whores! 
What the f#ck is happening here? Nothing special, just an unvarnished display of the double-standards for, but also amongst women. On one hand we are encouraged to counter society's and (most) men's cruel demand for eternal beauty with self-confidence and grit. But if you do - and look and feel good, the Bitch-Brigade tells you to take it down a notch and crawl back into the shadowy land of self-abnegation and invisibility. 

Women still live by comparing to and competing with other women, and depending on how well they do themselves in the beauty and self-assurance department, they want you out of the race if they can't manage to enjoy your looks and beauty.
Beauty is a double-edged sword, alright. Damned if you are, damned if you're not. The female trap. We can't escape it, can we? Women’s physical appearance is more than ever subjected to the ironclad verdict of society’s unforgiving beauty police – and there are a few female officers among them! And just like the mirror on the wall into which women stare all the time, they are the judge and the executioner, often a cruel enemy, not a kind friend.

The whole beauty drama could be so easily transformed because beauty and looks, any looks, can be inspirational as well. I love to look at faces and photos and do it every day with great curiosity, joy and without judgement. Apparently, for many people, faces will never escape judgement. Faces bring up emotions and feelings, negative associations, old scars and hurtful situations, and of course, it always reveals more about the onlooker than the one looked at. That is also one of the reasons why I never feel "hurt" by any commentary, even the bitchiest ones, certainly not by strangers.

There is one way out of this beauty race, though. Beauty needs a new definition. Stop accepting that it is an unavoidable battle, and that it can be won with traditional weapons. It can't. You will lose, we all will. So, instead, step out of the ring, stop that old boring battle, change the game, and start a new one for a more inspiring concept we all can live with and that gives everybody a chance.  I think it's simple - I've got a few beauty-boosters for you! Courage makes you beautiful, honesty and curiosity, compassion and a critical mind, independence and generosity, warmth and wit, too. DON'T COMPARE! DARE!
And if you happen to have great cheekbones, or fantastic teeth, or gorgeous hair, killer-legs (like mine, yep!) or sparkling green or blue or gray eyes - well, all the better. We, the "Club of Generous Gals" will love and applaud you without a shred of envy and ill will. The rest of you Bitches, just shut the f#ck up!

And here the (short) book of books about the Terror of Beauty
F#ck Beauty Duty and Stop the Madness!

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

MEN BEHAVING BADLY - Part I - Hollywood

Enough about me, I finally thought. What about others? Like men for example?
I think most of us have a slight to medium curiosity about  celebrities, some are even obsessed star gazers. This being Hollywood, it's not all that surprising that you see them around. I never forgot Julia Roberts jogging through Runyon Canyon before she was married, and there were always the likes of Tori Spelling at "Starbucks" or "Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf", once Michael Stipe, the singer of the band REM, stared at me for a long time (I should have ordered him to my table) - but I've forgotten the rest of the famous folks. An Age-thing.
All I can say is, famous people are usually incredibly badly dressed. They don't want attention, I guess. But in my book, really shoddy dressers cause double attention to themselves...
But let's switch to the Hollywood Farmer's Market, a lovely institution, totally my turf, and also the place of this reprehensible manly behavior I will share with you.

I always liked it at the market, it was my Sunday ritual to shop there. I used to see my then favorite singer  k.d. lang with her girlfriend every Sunday - she didn't buy a lot, ever, by the way; rather suspicious. She must have eaten something because she became very bulky over the years in front of my very eyes.

I'm not really a total fan of celebrity watching but I do have an eye for discovering famous people hiding under all that mismatched camouflage. There's the scruffy beard, the big sunglasses, the truly ugly jogging pants, the ripped t-shirt, the unflattering flip-flops, the baseball cap, and last not least the stringy, uncombed hair on both sexes, a phenomenon that needs to be investigated by either the fashion police or Sigmund Freud.
Not long ago I saw there a very petite, very delicate, very pale and very underdressed Natalie Portman. Maybe she just needed to compensate for all the crazy feathers and makeup she had to wear in her hit "Black Swan". Not a tinge of anything on her face. Nix. Nada. Just a tight girlish ponytail, some navy green cargo pants and so on. But she was very pretty. No shopping bag in sight, though.

Not Natalie
The other star was recently Ellen Pompeo  of "Grey's Anatomy" fame, a show I can't stand anymore but watched the first season. Ellen, just like Natalie, was unrecognizable except she couldn't escape my celebrity-trained eyes. She was also petite and pale, not well-dressed, wore a strange sun-hat but no sunglasses. Unfortunately, she looked as if she had a generous double-dose of botox injections in the upper lip. She also had a very sad expression that matched her soulful blue eyes. She too, didn't do any shopping, but was wandering around a little aimlessly, eying a bunch of "personally grown" purple carrots here and organic cactus leaves there.
Not Ellen
Fine, fine - where are the badly behaving men? You might say. On their way! The market is getting more famous and more crowded by the week, with people after the little free samples that the vendors are presenting, nicely cut, in little boxes - wrapped toothpicks on the side - to the greedy hands and mouths of strolling strangers. Of course, freebies are always irresistible, we know that. 

OK, so this Sunday I was walking through the market and in front of me was a youngish man, with a young boy by his side. The man was of a slight built, had unwashed longish dark curls and was dressed in some dude garb, ill-fitted jeans, some short jacket, some scarf. What really annoyed me was that he was REALLY into picking his teeth with a wooden toothpick like crazy. I truly do not like people who open their mouth wide in public. Sorry. 
Casey Affleck
I got closer, saw a pretty profile, and being really a movie buff, meaning I know even actors nobody else remembers (although he is very talented), and saw that it was Casey Affleck, the little (40 years old) brother of our Ben, the man in trouble with the nanny. Casey kept working on his teeth and I thought "I'm gonna say something. Maybe like: Hey, Casey, don't swallow that toothpick, it might get stuck in your pipes, and then what? "Heimlich Maneuver"? Not from me!!" But I didn't.

And now comes the shocker. He stops, kid in tow, and goes to the huge fruit stand that is famous for its abundance and generous selection of cut fruit. He takes the toothpick out of his teeth and jabs it casually into the next 2 orange slices, then back into his mouth, then come the apples, then the clementines. All with one soggy toothpick! The boy giggled and just grabbed the fruit with his hands, Casey was already off to the next stand, toothpick back in his mouth. I was baffled. I guess that was a lesson in hygiene, and that we can forget about it as long as Casey Affleck and Co stick their bitten toothpicks into innocent fruit or wherever else it goes.

I hear you say, OK, dear Sabine that's all slightly funny or icky - but where is the proof, where are the pix? Und who the hell is Casey Affleck anyway? Also, we want to see Botox-Ellen and the delicate, makeup- free Natalie. Here it comes: I don't have an iPhone but a cPhone (c is for crappy)with a not working camera, and I know I have to change that if I keep writing stories about things and people I see and write about, and better back it up. 

I could tell you I saw Godzilla, Big Foot or SPIDERMAN (which I always do)... Also, I think I'm an Instagram Girl at heart, you need a smartphone for that. So, next time when I see stars behaving badly, you'll get the pix. What's the other lesson here? Watch what you do in public. And: Men are pigs.

Here more fun: