MEN BEHAVING BADLY - Part I - Hollywood
Enough about me, I finally thought. What about others? Like men for example?
I think most of us have a slight to medium curiosity about celebrities, some are even obsessed star gazers. This being Hollywood, it's not all that surprising that you see them around. I never forgot Julia Roberts jogging through Runyon Canyon before she was married, and there were always the likes of Tori Spelling at "Starbucks" or "Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf", once Michael Stipe, the singer of the band REM, stared at me for a long time (I should have ordered him to my table) - but I've forgotten the rest of the famous folks. An Age-thing.
All I can say is, famous people are usually incredibly badly dressed. They don't want attention, I guess. But in my book, really shoddy dressers cause double attention to themselves...
But let's switch to the Hollywood Farmer's Market, a lovely institution, totally my turf, and also the place of this reprehensible manly behavior I will share with you. http://www.hollywoodfarmersmarket.net
I always liked it at the market, it was my Sunday ritual to shop there. I used to see my then favorite singer k.d. lang with her girlfriend every Sunday - she didn't buy a lot, ever, by the way; rather suspicious. She must have eaten something because she became very bulky over the years in front of my very eyes.
I'm not really a total fan of celebrity watching but I do have an eye for discovering famous people hiding under all that mismatched camouflage. There's the scruffy beard, the big sunglasses, the truly ugly jogging pants, the ripped t-shirt, the unflattering flip-flops, the baseball cap, and last not least the stringy, uncombed hair on both sexes, a phenomenon that needs to be investigated by either the fashion police or Sigmund Freud.
Not long ago I saw there a very petite, very delicate, very pale and very underdressed Natalie Portman. Maybe she just needed to compensate for all the crazy feathers and makeup she had to wear in her hit "Black Swan". Not a tinge of anything on her face. Nix. Nada. Just a tight girlish ponytail, some navy green cargo pants and so on. But she was very pretty. No shopping bag in sight, though.
The other star was recently Ellen Pompeo of "Grey's Anatomy" fame, a show I can't stand anymore but watched the first season. Ellen, just like Natalie, was unrecognizable except she couldn't escape my celebrity-trained eyes. She was also petite and pale, not well-dressed, wore a strange sun-hat but no sunglasses. Unfortunately, she looked as if she had a generous double-dose of botox injections in the upper lip. She also had a very sad expression that matched her soulful blue eyes. She too, didn't do any shopping, but was wandering around a little aimlessly, eying a bunch of "personally grown" purple carrots here and organic cactus leaves there.
Fine, fine - where are the badly behaving men? You might say. On their way! The market is getting more famous and more crowded by the week, with people after the little free samples that the vendors are presenting, nicely cut, in little boxes - wrapped toothpicks on the side - to the greedy hands and mouths of strolling strangers. Of course, freebies are always irresistible, we know that.
OK, so this Sunday I was walking through the market and in front of me was a youngish man, with a young boy by his side. The man was of a slight built, had unwashed longish dark curls and was dressed in some dude garb, ill-fitted jeans, some short jacket, some scarf. What really annoyed me was that he was REALLY into picking his teeth with a wooden toothpick like crazy. I truly do not like people who open their mouth wide in public. Sorry.
I got closer, saw a pretty profile, and being really a movie buff, meaning I know even actors nobody else remembers (although he is very talented), and saw that it was Casey Affleck, the little (40 years old) brother of our Ben, the man in trouble with the nanny. Casey kept working on his teeth and I thought "I'm gonna say something. Maybe like: Hey, Casey, don't swallow that toothpick, it might get stuck in your pipes, and then what? "Heimlich Maneuver"? Not from me!!" But I didn't.
And now comes the shocker. He stops, kid in tow, and goes to the huge fruit stand that is famous for its abundance and generous selection of cut fruit. He takes the toothpick out of his teeth and jabs it casually into the next 2 orange slices, then back into his mouth, then come the apples, then the clementines. All with one soggy toothpick! The boy giggled and just grabbed the fruit with his hands, Casey was already off to the next stand, toothpick back in his mouth. I was baffled. I guess that was a lesson in hygiene, and that we can forget about it as long as Casey Affleck and Co stick their bitten toothpicks into innocent fruit or wherever else it goes.
I hear you say, OK, dear Sabine that's all slightly funny or icky - but where is the proof, where are the pix? Und who the hell is Casey Affleck anyway? Also, we want to see Botox-Ellen and the delicate, makeup- free Natalie. Here it comes: I don't have an iPhone but a cPhone (c is for crappy)with a not working camera, and I know I have to change that if I keep writing stories about things and people I see and write about, and better back it up.
I could tell you I saw Godzilla, Big Foot or SPIDERMAN (which I always do)... Also, I think I'm an Instagram Girl at heart, you need a smartphone for that. So, next time when I see stars behaving badly, you'll get the pix. What's the other lesson here? Watch what you do in public. And: Men are pigs.
Here more fun: