OUR DAILY SEXISM - Beware 'cause it's There!
OUR DAILY SEXISM
I'm really glad that the #MeToo
movement has also brought awareness to something that is going on as long as I
can remember: casual, annoying, boring, paternalistic, arrogant
DAILY SEXISM. Except that it can seem so deceptively minor, even subtle, that the
untrained female ears and eyes didn't pick up on it when we were much younger - because we had gotten used to it.
Here's a classic case that happened
to me the other day.
I'm riding the bus down Hollywood
Blvd., which is in itself a slow freak-show - left and right are large groups
of Asian tourists in little white hats staring at impersonators like Spiderman,
Minnie Mouse, and Edward Scissorhands.
A man in his late thirties with the aura
(and the body) of a muscled tough guy who's looking for trouble enters the bus
and plops down right next to me. If you ride an L.A. bus (or the Metro for that
matter) you need to be on your toes and prepared for being the target of just
about all that humanity has to offer.
All of public transportation have
been taken over by the homeless. If you manage to squeeze by the overfilled carts
and mountains of old plastic bags held by people who talk to themselves or are
dozing off, and can secure a seat, you are lucky.
So this guy, perky and clean, with
a crew cut, a mean square chin, lots of tattoos, and military boots whips out
his phone and starts dialing and talking with a booming voice, right next to my
ear. It's this male entitlement attitude that always gets to me. So, I look at
him, smile, and say in a playful fashion: "Do you mind lowering your voice
a bit?" He can't believe it! Who am I to dare speak to a loudmouth macho?
"Let me tell you
something," he says in a bossy tone. Oh no, not the "let me tell you
something routine" is all I think. He goes on: "I fought in the Iraq war and I'm
hard of hearing, OK?" Upon seeing
me not being impressed, he barks, "I fought for my country!"
My personal
opinion is that if I were a bit hard of hearing I would NOT make loud phone
calls in a bus, especially not subjecting people to long chats of the tritest
nature. "Well, it's still too loud, war or not", I mumble and pretend
to look at my phone.
But Mr. Soldier won't or can't let
go. His chest pecs widen as if he is trying to fill them with more male authority.
"Let me tell you something! (again) I served my country."
"Yeah,
I got that," I answer. He goes on, now staring at me like an angry
colonel, "I don't like you telling me what to do, get that?"
I look
bored (I'm good at that) but from the depth of my soul an old feeling creeps up.
I hear (male) teachers putting us girls down, see the superior feeling boys
treating us like inferior underdogs.
"Did you get that?" Bully Boy
has the nerve to ask me again - in a threatening tone. What am I? An obedient
little girl answering Daddy? My foot begins to tap, up and down, a sign of
impatience mixed with seething anger. "Let it go, it's not worth reacting
to that asshole!" says my pragmatic voice. #EnoughAlready counters the #FeistyGirlsFightBack
voice.
I take a deep breath. "Now let
ME tell you something. I don't like the way you talk to me, get that? So we're
even in our dislikes!" I give him a
stern stare with a touch of arrogance - don't know how I pull it off - and get
busy with my phone.
He doesn't say anything and gets up because it's his stop. Some
people in the bus are looking at me surprised. And I keep thinking about the fact that for
hundreds of years we live indeed in a patriarchy - which is an authoritarian
structure where men bark at women and demand obsequiousness and following their
orders. And I felt as strongly as ever that this f#cked up power-game needs to
be dismantled NOW. When I walked home, I had to grin ever so slightly
victorious. Intimidation isn't an option anymore. Do you know what I mean?
#FeistyGirlsFightBack
#grayinla
#oldboldchic
#californiabauhaus
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